Sitting on the couch with my three month old, making funny
faces, observing the light dance around in her eyes as she smiles at my fishy
face, is easily my favorite thing in the world. Her scrunched nose, mouth agape
smile has utterly changed my world. That face has raised so many questions as
to who I want to be in life and how I’d like to see her grow into a little lady. Watching her as
she mimics my expressions reiterates that she will continue to follow my lead
as she gets older – and that’s a little terrifying. I’ve made mistakes and done
things I’m not proud of. I’ve had my heart broken and I’ve been in some dark
places. I’ve stayed out all night and missed work the next morning. I’ve raised
my voice when I should have opened my mind..
Every day I’m open to a new point of view, and I try to relate myself to another’s position. Being a parent, I now see why other’s shield their children from what they believe is harmful to them. They don’t want their babies going through a challenging lesson when they already know the answers to the quiz (metaphorically). But if I’ve learned anything from my little girl, it’s that she is her own person – she’s fire. She knows what she wants, and I don’t want to taint such a pure soul with my own experiences and beliefs. What I see in the lesson could be interpreted entirely different by her, and I want to nurture that; watch it grow – not nip it in the bud. I won’t push my views or opinions on her. I’ll let her learn for herself and accept her with an open heart no matter what – as long as she has peace in her mind and love in her heart.. And knows that her mother will always be there with a smile and a kiss. Often times publicly.. With that obnoxious red lipstick that she can’t rub off her cheek.
I want to shield her from all that I’ve learned the hard
way, but I wouldn’t be the person I am had I not gone down that road myself.
There’s a saying, “No one can ever teach us anything, in school or in life,
that we are not ready to learn ourselves.” It means, we can read the same books
as the next person, go through the same life experiences as another individual,
but until we’re emotionally ready, whether subconsciously or intentionally, we
won’t understand the lesson and learn from it. There's no rushing, nor delaying that.
I’m still figuring that out and will continue to for the
duration of my journey. I want her to know that I’m learning as well. I
want her to stay open to life with a heart for a fist, fighting through the
rubble, knowing that honesty and peace with herself is her greatest weapon. Life
is going to be incredibly beautiful at times, and other times the opposite. I dread
the day she walks in the door with her first broken heart, or seeking an
explanation for the nasty words she heard.
Every day I’m open to a new point of view, and I try to relate myself to another’s position. Being a parent, I now see why other’s shield their children from what they believe is harmful to them. They don’t want their babies going through a challenging lesson when they already know the answers to the quiz (metaphorically). But if I’ve learned anything from my little girl, it’s that she is her own person – she’s fire. She knows what she wants, and I don’t want to taint such a pure soul with my own experiences and beliefs. What I see in the lesson could be interpreted entirely different by her, and I want to nurture that; watch it grow – not nip it in the bud. I won’t push my views or opinions on her. I’ll let her learn for herself and accept her with an open heart no matter what – as long as she has peace in her mind and love in her heart.. And knows that her mother will always be there with a smile and a kiss. Often times publicly.. With that obnoxious red lipstick that she can’t rub off her cheek.
you're already such an incredible mother. so proud of you <3.
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