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Heartbreaks and Tetris

Recently there has been a multitude of changes in my life. There was a point where my positivity went running and dove into hiding, no where to be found, leaving me feeling completely unbalanced. I've always uncovered the light in any dark situation, but could not for the life of me find the "on" switch.. for weeks, maybe even months. But in searching for what I couldn't regain, I found something I would have never discovered about myself if I had not been put into the recent situations-- I found enlightenment; enlightenment I hadn't experienced before.

It wasn't that previously I always found the positive in every situation, it was that I just subconsciously chose to ignore the negatives. For years, and even through my father's death, I pushed away anything that caused me to feel badly. In my mind, I was looking at the bright side by not letting it effect me, but truly all I was doing was preserving it for a later time. And with each ignored feeling, I built upon it.. Kind of like a game of Tetris. A really really awful game of Tetris. I was creating a little shelf of negativity, hidden away, that was beginning to reach its max. 

You know those brief moments in your life where you read something, or vaguely hear a comment that wouldn't typically catch your attention until it actually pertains to you and what you're going through? Because at the time it didn't mean much; you didn't relate. Well, I remember seeing a quote, I'm not sure when, but it was a good amount of time ago that wasn't significant then:

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe.

My greatest present relation being, "sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." 
For a short time, I lost myself. I lost myself in a life I was trying too hard to find the answers to. And when there were finally absolutely no answers to be given, no conclusions to be drawn, when I was at the very end of my "rope", I found peace. I surrendered. It wasn't easy.. I felt like I was going crazy! I didn't know what I wanted to do or where I needed to go. 
 
No life change, no heartbreak, no situation should be treated any differently from the next persons. We've all experienced that pit inside the stomach or the anxiety in some form, small or large. And when it feels like that feeling will never go away, take a deep cleansing breath and tell yourself it will get better in time. Recognize the feeling, don't ignore it like I had done for so many years. It's there for a reason, and as long as you believe and have faith that with each low, you have so much wisdom to gain-- it will get better with time and acknowledgment; not ignorance. 
 
I don't have all of the answers, not even close, and the journey I'm on has many tribulations ahead, but I am thankful for what I've been given. I'm thankful for those who have been patient with me through the process. I'm thankful for those who have given me hell and don't understand, because with every misunderstanding there is a lesson. I'm thankful to have learned that not everything can be forced, but should be.. just "be." And to be honest with yourself (I'm getting there!). Don't try to control any outcomes. Like Marilyn said, trust yourself. Let yourself feel. Don't feel badly if you make any mistakes along the way, just continue to move on. Never place blame. Not on yourself, and not on anyone else. Just accept what has happened and move forward. And although I've reached one huge enlightenment at this point in my life, it will not be the last. There are many more doors to be opened and new feelings to greet--good and bad. I'm just a bit more prepared this time around.. And you as well. No one is alone. 

Comments

  1. jenamendolaMarch 29, 2011 at 5:04 PM

    For years I have read post secret and the comments that go along with all of those interesting little postcards. I ALWAYS see the 'thanks for sharing, now I don't feel alone', but I've never really felt that way myself about any secret I've EVER seen/read.

    This is MY 'post secret'. Thank you for posting this Leah. I honestly have never felt so much like someone was not only writing down what was inside of my head, but I've also never felt like it was OK to feel that way.

    You are such an amazing person. You have no limits. Love you.

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  2. CasieMarch 30, 2011 at 11:31 AM

    Phenomenal post, Leah - super powerful. I feel like I was here, in this post, a little over a year ago...the other side of acceptance & enlightenment & learning how to simply let.it.be. - I can tell you...is a truly beautiful place to be. Sending love, happiness & peace your way.

    ReplyDelete

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