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Point of View

Sitting on the couch with my three month old, making funny faces, observing the light dance around in her eyes as she smiles at my fishy face, is easily my favorite thing in the world. Her scrunched nose, mouth agape smile has utterly changed my world. That face has raised so many questions as to who I want to be in life and how I’d like to see her grow into a little lady. Watching her as she mimics my expressions reiterates that she will continue to follow my lead as she gets older – and that’s a little terrifying. I’ve made mistakes and done things I’m not proud of. I’ve had my heart broken and I’ve been in some dark places. I’ve stayed out all night and missed work the next morning. I’ve raised my voice when I should have opened my mind..

I want to shield her from all that I’ve learned the hard way, but I wouldn’t be the person I am had I not gone down that road myself. There’s a saying, “No one can ever teach us anything, in school or in life, that we are not ready to learn ourselves.” It means, we can read the same books as the next person, go through the same life experiences as another individual, but until we’re emotionally ready, whether subconsciously or intentionally, we won’t understand the lesson and learn from it. There's no rushing, nor delaying that.

I’m still figuring that out and will continue to for the duration of my journey. I want her to know that I’m learning as well. I want her to stay open to life with a heart for a fist, fighting through the rubble, knowing that honesty and peace with herself is her greatest weapon. Life is going to be incredibly beautiful at times, and other times the opposite. I dread the day she walks in the door with her first broken heart, or seeking an explanation for the nasty words she heard.

Every day I’m open to a new point of view, and I try to relate myself to another’s position. Being a parent, I now see why other’s shield their children from what they believe is harmful to them. They don’t want their babies going through a challenging lesson when they already know the answers to the quiz (metaphorically). But if I’ve learned anything from my little girl, it’s that she is her own person – she’s fire. She knows what she wants, and I don’t want to taint such a pure soul with my own experiences and beliefs. What I see in the lesson could be interpreted entirely different by her, and I want to nurture that; watch it grow – not nip it in the bud. I won’t push my views or opinions on her. I’ll let her learn for herself and accept her with an open heart no matter what – as long as she has peace in her mind and love in her heart.. And knows that her mother will always be there with a smile and a kiss. Often times publicly.. With that obnoxious red lipstick that she can’t rub off her cheek.

Comments

  1. jenamendolaFebruary 26, 2013 at 11:45 AM

    you're already such an incredible mother. so proud of you <3.

    Xx

    ReplyDelete

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